Time to Live!

     
The month of July was a fun summer month--full of splashes in the lake, holding hands and walking in the woods, fresh black raspberries and rhubarb from our yard.  William and Wesley's constant hugging/trampling.  I feel full of life, living to the max and with the ones I love.  But it was also a month punctuated by death and the heaviness of loss.  When I heard the news of Mikey's suicide I was in total shock.  Mikey was a fun, outgoing, popular kid.  No one suspected he was battling depression.  I wrote a song, "Mikey's Song," before his mom asked me to sing at the funeral.  She had some ideas for music but I told her I had written this song and sang it to her over the speaker of my cell phone.  She said, "It's beautiful.  Do that one."  I put some finishing touches on the song, dropped William off for his first day of preschool, and drove to the funeral with my little baby boy in tow.  I was glad for the baby boy in tow as he provided a wonderful distraction from my own grief until it was time to perform.  I sang the song to a full sanctuary of grief-stricken teenagers, parents and community members at Family of Christ in Lakeville.  When I was done I felt as if I'd finished a 5K sprint, I could hardly catch my breath to get off the piano bench.  I fumbled to say something to Mikey's mom.  She said I have a very cute little baby boy.  I know.  I can't imagine how I would feel if he died before me.  I try very hard not to.

Wesley is nearly walking now, but reliably plops down to the ground after a step or two.  I love watching his bobbly butt--hobbly bobbly--cruise to his destination.  When he gets going fast he laughs (squeals!) and his head goes down, as if he is catching too much air with his face to hold it up.  He pulls on my foot, my shin, my knee and up into my arms, where he reaches for my hair and snuggles into my chest.  He contemplates my face as he nurses, twirling my hair around and around his little chubby fingers.  When he is done he sits up, pulls himself up by my neck and gives me a big hug, relaxed and happy.  "Thank you, Mommy."  A couple of weeks ago, he changed his routine.  After I nursed him he sat up and clapped, quite enthusiastically.  Thank you, thank you!

William is in preschool Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday each week from 9-4.  He came home the first day and went straight to his letters saying, "H starts with T!  Mommy, I love T!"  Last night, I read to him (armored with a new shipment of books from Blom cousins) and we looked for "his" letter, W.  I asked him, "Can you think of a word that starts with W?"  After a moment's thought, he said, "Wa Wa ONE!"  *Sigh*  Our hopeless English language...

A truck sans a muffler rumbles by and wakens my sleeping baby.  If it's not that, it's a fire-cracker, or a fire-cracker of a teenager mouthing off.  Our neighborhood has become more of a circus these past couple of summers.  I am looking forward to High School starting up again.  I worry, because I'm a mother, and also because these kids are future parents.

After Mikey's funeral I was a shell of myself for a few days.  I didn't know him well, but I keep seeing his mom's face as she gazes at my baby, then a picture of Mikey as a baby.  "Mikey was a cute baby, too."  Her eyes went very far away to another time.  "There are no words...Thank you so much for your song."

On the Fourth of July we packed up our car and my friend Rachel's car and we all drove up North to my grandparent's lake cabin near Detroit Lakes, MN.  I cooked a little, swam a little, talked to my parent's guests from Alabama, and enjoyed every little bit of it.  William went from stark fear of the water to walking in up to his chin.  Wesley stayed dry, mostly, content to let the sun keep him warm as he sat around driving trucks through the sand.  Zac and I relaxed a little, letting my parents fill in some of our parenting roles.  We ate fresh strawberries and plenty of leafy greens we both received from our CSA shares.  I even had some broccoli, rhubarb, zucchini and cucumbers to share as well.  Little shell peas and Mt. Rainier cherries for snacks.

Back home I am enjoying extra free time with Wesley while William is in Preschool.  I also started teaching again.  I finally found a curriculum I like that helps me teach music and not just how to decode music notation.  I am having a lot of fun incorporating the parent/caregiver into the learning.  I will have a website up soon to further explain my philosophy and, hopefully, find more students.  It is with a mixed bag of emotions that I return to work, but it is necessary for our finances and I am finding it is quite enjoyable to teach again!

Wesley began the month with two main sounds: "Mama" and "Duh."  Today he is using many different sounds and inflections.  I feel like I need a translator at hand.  I just look at him and nod, repeating his language, to his great enjoyment.  What more is communication than trying to be understood?

Mikey's was the first death this month.  Tragic deaths come in threes.  Our friends at the Community of St. Martin are reeling from the death of a 6-year-old, her sister's godchild, brutally murdered.   They finally found the suspect, and he shot a police officer while being arrested, and the suspect was shot as well.  Both are in critical condition.  Other friends lost one of their best friends, Madge, in a freak accident while white-water-rafting.  She bought her family the trip for a Christmas present, so they were all there and tried frantically to rescue her as she drowned.  Madge's last words: "Isn't this a beautiful day?"  A reminder that each day is beautiful, and could be our last.

Every other thought today is with the beautiful bride Sasha of May's celebratory blog.  She is at her mom Lea's bedside as she rapidly declines, her cancer now everywhere in her body.  Two weeks ago she was in Colorado visiting family.  Today she is laying in a hospital bed brought to her home, tolerating her last days of life with the help of morphine.  She is sleeping most of the time now.  Birth and dying are so painful and unpredictable.  We don't exactly know how to prepare for either.

My friends Chris and Emily continue their treatments, already into advanced stages of cancer.  Cancer is the parasite that cares not for its own survival.  If it did, it would not destroy the one it has come to inhabit.  Cancer is so stupid to kill its home, but that might be because it doesn't have a brain or heart.  We don't have that excuse.

Andrea Olson, Crime-Buster:
I took my friend Rachel out for her 30th birthday.  She is a fabulous pianist, so I took her to the Shout House, a dueling piano bar and our friend Kirsten met us there, too.  After she brought down the house with her own performance (see awesome pic below), we took a walk down Hennepin.  My brother Eric had joined us by this point and Kirsten had left.  Rachel and I decided to take a seat on a bench and wait for Eric while he walked around the block.  A drunk man came and sat by us, but I felt he was pretty harmless and we tried to be nice.  Then, another older drunk man came, plastic bag with his bottle in hand, and began to pick on the man already sitting next to us.  He dropped the bag, and the man sitting next to us tried to help him pick it up.  This earned him a kick in the face, which missed by an inch, thankfully.  The older man wasn't finished, though.  He dove for his neck, pinning him down on his back and strangling him.  I grabbed the older man from behind and pulled his hands away.  He fell down (he was really drunk).  I called 911 and they came for him right away.  The police officer interviewed me to get more details of the attack.  He said, "This man has a long history of violent crime.  We are glad to have him off the streets."

Then, yesterday, my purse was stolen and I chased the teenaged thief down the alley.  Here's what I wrote on facebook: I left my purse unattended while I pushed my kiddos in the swing. It was stolen by a teenager, and a couple kids saw it. They told me he ran down the alley, so I ran down the alley (at a fast clip, if you're into details). I asked someone in their back lawn if they had seen him. They had. We found him, and the purse. He denied stealing it, until some folks at the Jimmy Lee Loft Center for Teens talked some sense into him. He apologized and gave me my cash back. I told him, "Thank you for your apology. You're not a bad guy, but you made a mistake. I can tell you learned something today. This is William, this is Wesley and I'm Andrea. Next time you see us, you can say 'hi.'" No police, no handcuffs. Just neighbors working things out. Hope next time he thinks about stealing he will remember the time he stole a purse and only found $5 cash. Totally not worth it.
I am hoping for less excitement in the coming days...

Yesterday was also the funeral for my cousin's grandma, a loving, spunky lady who lived with our extended family in Minnesota after her husband passed away.  Betty was at the last several years of Sorum Thanksgivings, Christmases and birthday celebrations.  She is sorely missed, especially by my cousins Lise and Kari.

We spent a week at Mt. Carmel with my parents.  We were guests the same week Sara and Troy Groves (Christian Musicians) were there as speakers.  They talked about marriage in such a humbling, real way.  "Expectation is premeditated resentment" and  "No one marries the right person!" were the two favorite quotes I took away from their talk.  Realizing our problem areas are a place we can visit, but know we are visiting and we can step away from was something very helpful for me to think about.

Zac has been so funny lately.  Last Saturday he put on a blanket "cape" and paraded around the house.  I asked him, "Zac, do you need me to watch the kids while you get your notes done?"  "Today I am Prince Saturday!" he pronounced.  "Prince Saturday, what would you like to do today?  Could you help me put away all the books on the floor?"  "I am KING Saturday now!"  "Your Majesty, the kingdom has many books on the floor."  We were both laughing so hard I almost fell over.

Then, yesterday, I cleaned out the car.  I found a lot of change and set each new coin on top of the car.  Of course, I forgot about it and, as we drove off to the Community of St. Martin, the little coins flew off the car onto the freeway.  As we heard each little coin slide off the car and onto the freeway Zac commented in his sly, quiet way, "Our car is rapidly depreciating in value."  The kicker came at the end of the Cedar Ave. exit when we came to an abrupt stop.  The last of the coins flew off the car, onto the street, in front of a man sitting there to beg with a sign, "Anything helps."  Anything and all over the exit ramp is what he got.

Sara Groves also inspired me to take myself more seriously as a musician.  I am quite the hobbyist, doing real gigs now, but I am putting more intention towards practicing and being more professional.  So far, no luck.  Our last gig was marred my disappointing forgetfulness (no picks), monitor speaker problems (no sound) and weird brain memory problems (can't remember the chords to Rachel's two newest songs).  Yesterday I told Zac, "I'm having trouble with word, with... (looong pause) what's the word?  *laughter*  I'm having trouble with word recall!  I need more sleep."

I'm facing my own mortality this month in a way I haven't thought about in at least a few years.  I would feel really short-changed if I had to die anytime soon, because there is so much I want to do and experience with my family.  Realizing that this is my time to do those things, I wrote out 5-year goals for myself and some ideas for 5-year goals for our family.  If I'm ever going to do anything like record an album or travel to Peru I want to be planning for it starting now.  We only get one chance at today.

Today William is in preschool, somewhat reluctantly this morning.  I will go to pick him up early and do a music class with his class.  He is overwhelmed by all the social interactions at school.  I am hoping that if I come as a teacher and get to know some of the kids in his class he will feel more comfortable with them, too.

We were so lucky to be able to celebrate William and Wesley's birthdays with all the grandparents and relatives (over the course of about 4 birthday parties!)  After a relaxing week at Mt. Carmel we headed the opposite direction to my cousin Sarah's wedding in Kenosha, WI.  The weekend trip was more expensive than anything else we've done this summer, but I'm glad we were there for Sarah and Mark and for all the celebrating.  I cherish time with family, but I wish I didn't have to drive so far with two little kids to get it!  Over the weekend we celebrated William's 3rd birthday (July 19th) and Wesley's 1st birthday (July 20th) with the Bloms.  It seems strange that should be a passing detail in the long blog about the month.  This blog should be called "Birthday Month" but instead it's more like "Birth and Death Month."  And life in between.

Today I take William to a Saints baseball game after Preschool.  He is really excited about this.  I cannot relate just how much he loves baseball.  The first thing he says when he wakes up is, "Can I play baseball today?"  I hope Wesley stays well (he went down for a nap with a fever just now) so this will happen.

Celebrating each day and each year of the "in between"!  Thank you for reading while I purge my mind and heart.  I have processed a lot while writing this blog.  These pictures all say a million memories for me.  I can't believe all this happened in just one month!

We have new friends south of St. Paul.  William is especially fond of their outgoing, thoughtful 3-year-old daughter.

Wesley has a hard time keeping up with their athletic one-year-old.  He seems like a little cotton ball next to this stunt devil!

We roasted s'mores and other things.  Christian is grilling sandwiches in a cast-iron sandwich maker.

William's first sparkler.  I took this picture right before he burst into a big smile.

The newlyweds Peter and Sasha enjoying the beautiful night.

This is a happy woman, lemme tell you!  Eating s'mores and holding my baby on my lap.  Perfect!

We knew it was time to go home when William curled up to sleep on the wagon wheel.

Wesley can't walk and climb up the big playground equipment, so he spends a lot of time at the playground digging in sand and woodchips.

William didn't have the energy to get all the way to his bed on one of the hottest days of the summer.

This is one of the last times Wesley let anyone spoon feed him.

Hanging out with Daddy!

This is the same spot where my purse was stolen.  They love their swinging!!  Next time I'll keep my purse on me, too.

Keys 4 Kids has artists decorate/paint old pianos and different businesses all over St. Paul keep them outdoors all summer long, "Pianos on Parade."  We stop and play them often.

I took my friend Rachel out to the Shout House Dueling Pianos for her birthday.  She took the stage and brought the house down.  Great birthday celebration for sure!

Rachel, me, Kirsten
This is right before I intervened in the street fight and got a violent criminal off the streets.  Today I just had the thought--this could have been the last photo ever taken of me.  Thank God it's not!

Zac and I went to Somerset, WI, to hear Dr. Dog, Avett Brothers and Brandi Carlile in one awesome concert.  We had great seats and great weather.  We stopped at an outdoor cafe for lunch en route.  A fun 6th Anniversary date!

I adore Brandi Carlile.  She is an awesome singer and songwriter.  And a pretty dang good guitar player and piano player, too.

William's first day of Preschool!  He was trepidatious.  So was I.  He wore big boy underwear, not diapers.  His backpack is full of extra pairs of underwear and pants for accidents.  

Wesley's all dressed up for Mikey's funeral.  Daddy's all dressed up for work.  Couldn't miss this opportunity for a nice picture.

After the funeral and after William's first day of Preschool I took them to Wabun Pool in Minnehaha Park.  They had a fun time.  I felt like the world was spinning underneath my feet.

William works very hard to put together his "pappa" in Spanish class.  He puts the sombrero on top of the head.  At least that's in the right spot! :)

At one of the many rest stops we saw this month.  Wrestling, as usual.

At the lake cabin with Grandpa Sorum.

William playing baseball.  

A peach brought straight to the cabin from a farmer's market in Alabama.  Super sweet and delicious!

My parents with the Petersons from Alabama!

Rachel was the little mermaid in the lake!  I finally know someone who enjoys being in a lake all day like me.

More baseball!  He hits quite well.

He caught his first fish (with big help from Daddy).

Doesn't know what to think about it.

This is my fearless daredevil.  He was thrilled by the bouncing and even put his head underwater.

And more baseball.

Back home at Como Park.  I thought this was a beautiful shot of William looking into the sunset.  Actually, he was pooping.

Wesley enjoying music and water at the Como Park Pavillion.

With Jan Crosby.

Jan and Grandson Austin Crosby

First Birthday party and first chocolate cake (there were 4 altogether).

William with his gifts from Grandma Susan (behind)

Birthday party #2 (and 2nd chocolate cake)

He's getting the hang of it.

Wesley was at first put off by the cake, but then decided it was alright.

In fact, it's quite delicious.

Is there more?

Let's do this again for sure.

After baseball, William's 2nd love is Sesame Street.

Birthday presents from Grandpa Mike and Sherry.

We all went to see Monsters University (W & W's first movie!)  William was verrry excited to play with his new Monsters University set.  He plays with this like a doll house for hours and hours.

Grandpa Mike got to join us at Mt. Carmel for a couple days!

Sara Groves concert.

Every night there is canteen, which is essentially ice cream.  After two desserts, morning sticky buns, and sugar cereal my attitude was, "Why not!"

This is something Wesley does with every glass door he finds.  It is so stinking cute I can barely stand it.  

He is my big baby now.  Stinking cute.

I was excited to see an old friend, Will Chiles, at Mt. Carmel.  Will, Rachel and I had a couple chances to play some of our songs together.  We even recorded a couple with Rachel's portable recorder.  It was SO fun, one of the highlights of the week for me.  

These are William's friends--Emmie, Anna and Jack along with their mom and dad.  If you mention any of these three names to him to this day he will start spinning and circles and jump up and down.  He loves them SO much and was very sad to say "good-bye" at the end of the week.

July 19th, William's 3rd birthday--I was able to make one of his lifelong dreams come true and he "drove" this truck at one of the grocery stores we stopped in on our way to the Wisconsin wedding.

William and Wesley put away a huge package of blueberries for an afternoon snack.

Uncle Phil and Aunt Sue arrived at our hotel room with balloons and balls to wish us a Happy Birthday!  They made William feel so special on his big day after a 9 hour drive in the car!

Exploring every nook and cranny of our new hotel room.  They are joined at the hip, almost literally.

Wesley's new trick--throwing a ball.

We helped decorate the picnic pavillion for Sarah and Mark's reception.

Then it was time for birthday lunch with the Blom cousins and aunts and uncles!

Back row: Paul Skrade, Jon Sorum, Ann Sorum, Zac Olson, Ruth Blom (arm around Daniel Skrade), Miriam Skrade and Annalise Skrade.  Sitting: Sue Blom, me, Wesley, William and Eric Sorum.  Phil Blom took this picture.

Chocolate cake #4.

Gifts from Grandma and Grandpa Sorum, Skrades and Bloms were opened at the Cracker Barrel lunch.

Stinkin' cute with his new teddy.

The Skrade family--William and Wesley's godparents!
Paul, Miriam, Annalise and Daniel

Waiting for the wedding to begin, talking to relatives.  I think the Packers lawn chair is just a fun coincidence, but it is further evidence of our long drive. :)

The groom.

The ceremony.

The kids in back playing with all the little bubbles and fans.

I love weddings, but I am so relieved I don't have to plan one anymore.  

Maid of Honor--Naomi Files (Sarah's sister)

Getting my groove on. :b

I love this picture of my dad.  They took the whole month of July off!  

Aunt Karen and Uncle Dave Blom dancing.  They took the wedding photos so this might be one of the only photos of them from the wedding?

The next morning Zac and I gave Wesley a nap and headed to Lake Michigan beach.  It was a sunny, perfect day.   I feel more alive by the water.  It was so relaxing to just be there and not say much.

Time to head back home!

With William in Preschool I spend a lot more time just with this little one.  We took a walk to a community garden and I showed him all the different vegetables.

Well, that's it for this month!  Whew.  What will August bring?!