Goodbye Summer, Facebook, and So Many

The other night, William sang "Happy Birthday" to trees, Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Wesley, Burt and Ernie, in that order.  It was also the day I found out my friend Siri's mother had suffered a horrible stroke that she would not recover from (she passed away a beautiful young grandma surrounded by her family yesterday morning).  Pain at this news trumped all of my other emotions, but I felt so much love and adoration of my little boy.  Happy Birthday Trees, indeed.  I am a sad person cloaked in love and joy.   Mikey, Betty, Leah, Alex and Karen do not get any more birthdays after this summer.  Just unending love.

Wesley learned to walk in the last couple of weeks.  I realized he wasn't walking only because there are just too many toys on the floor.  Away the toys flew to the attic and, poof, he learned to walk.  His building blocks were his stumbling blocks!

The littlest smile from Wesley wipes away my tears for awhile.  I think my heartache is for many types of losses.  Diane in Peru.  Mary in Washington.  Miriam in Illinois.  I try to find others to reach out to besides Zac and my mom, who are always listening ears.  Reaching out to others leads me to facebook, where I am technically "connected" to hundreds of people.  That "connection" has lately felt artificial and even harsh in contrast to the real life connections I previously enjoyed with these beloved friends.  I grieve that I am no longer a part of their lives in a meaningful way.  My reading their comments is not a conversation, but a wall.  I feel like the wall is blocking something I can't describe.  I decided to take a break from facebook to focus on real connections and my own need to process everything (good and bad) that's happened this summer.

Day 1 of no facebook:  I caught myself talking to myself in small catchy phrases.  "Just rocked Wesley to sleep. Bliss."  Still want to come up with status updates, I guess. I thought about the Atlantic article I could post a link to.  I thought about the upcoming shows I could promote through facebook.  *sigh*  Instead, I laughed at myself and enjoyed the moment with Wesley even more without trying to find a perfect phrase to describe it.  I enjoyed the Atlantic article, a paper copy, with my coffee.  I'll have to have real conversations about it, I guess.  I decided to attend a MN350.org event and talk to other activists and made some new friends in the climate movement.  I decided to write.  Long phrases, then paragraphs.  I'm up to 5 pages in a Word document now.  It isn't a status update, it's a monologue of all the ideas I've been keeping in my head lately.  Without facebook to catch little bits of my thoughts, they came together into something lengthier.  Now a blog entry.  It's just one day without facebook, not a radical lifestyle change.  But already I feel more heard, more authentic.  Facebook is a good tool, but it has never been a friend.

The weather snapped its fingers and became fall overnight.  I dug out warm clothes and found a willing bin to receive the shorts and t-shirts.  Our kids already have drippy noses.  Fall is here.  There is nothing to do but embrace what comes and let go of what is gone.  Goodbye, Summer.

Taking summer to the lake

August was another mixed bag of highs and lows for us.  Our neighborhood went from bad to worse.  I called the police and organized as much as I could.  By mid-month I was just scared and feeling defeated.  We went up North, the balm for my worries.  We were convinced the answer was to move, but an affordable rental house fell through and we are still here.  Although, with Eric here, too, and school in session, things are looking up.  The teenagers celebrating a new batch of drugs in my lawn are either in jail or in a classroom.  The people who sold them the drugs are hiding out in their houses and not yelling anymore.  The fireworks were finally used up.  Groggy teenagers stumble to school at 7 a.m.  I don't hear from them at night anymore.  We survived summer.  In the midst of it all, William and Wesley kept smiling and learning and making me the happiest mama in the world.  Wesley growls, buzzes his lips and makes a lot of speech-like intonations on various vowels.  We have whole conversations that just sound like a parody of speech.  He thinks I'm hilarious.  I think he's the most charming baby ever.  William's speech is advancing, too.  He is getting used to all the exceptions to the rules; past tense and pronouns are the hardest.

"Christine is going home to she's house."

"I dood it."

"Wesley felled down."

"I drinked all the water so I'm a big boy."

"Can I have some burberries peas?"

In addition to wonderful manners, a sense of routine and lots of new Spanish words, William has acquired some Preschooler tendencies, such as using the word "Poopy" at the dinner table to describe our supper.  When he is home, he and Wesley usually fight over the same toys.  "He just puts the car in his mouf and swallows it," William complains.  "He won't swallow it, honey.  If you don't want him to play with your cars then find him a different toy."  William complies.  Then he pushes him over and, before I can even ask why Wesley is crying William says, "I promise I will never do it again!"  Wesley thinks that wrestling is the appropriate way to interact with other kids.  He also can climb onto anything as tall as he is.  I don't remember William wrestling or climbing as much when he was Wesley's age.  They sometimes play together really well.  The other day I found them with a bottle of lotion.  They were elbow-deep in it and enjoying it very much.  But William also had a hand towel and, when I found them, he said, "Wesley made a big mess and I'm cleaning it up so I'm not naughty."  

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William is keeping track of people in his life better, too.  He is thinking quite a bit about relationships, whose grandma is whose mom, etc.  He says that when he grows up he wants to be a Daddy so that someday he can be a "Boppa" (Grandpa).  One of his Preschool teachers is named Diane and he said, "I have two Dianes now!  One's in Peru and one's in Preschool!"  He is also keeping track of days of the week.  "'Member, Mommy, when you pick me up from Preschool and we went to the baseball game?  Last Tuesday?"  He hasn't forgotten, that's for sure.  "And, and, and, I'll go to school again on Monday, and then we'll all be together after school on Monday?"  Yes, William, but I have band practice on Monday so Daddy will put you to bed.  "No, you not play with Alex and Rachel 'cuz 'cuz that's on Monday and I have, I mean, I not taddered [tired] then and you need to hold me."  His ideas come across perfectly through the jumble of words at his disposal.  It breaks my heart sometimes when he finds those words to tell me how he feels.  "You will leave me all alone, then I be sad."  But we are finding our wings--his in Preschool and mine in music and teaching.  Our time together is much more intentional, conversational, cuddly and just plain great.  I think he was ready and I was ready for a change, and it was very hard for me to realize that his change would be separate from mine.  His teachers at Preschool say he is still quiet and observing from the sidelines.  But some days he has enough stories to fill an encyclopedia.  He is like Zac--taking in the world and processing it in his head before he decides how to react.  I have no doubt he will be asking his teachers as many questions as he asks me very soon.  (FYI: Don't turn right on a red light with William in the car because red means STOP and there is very little room in his mind for an exception to this rule.  "You might get us in an accident, Mommy, cuz the light was RED!")

Big smiles from the truck driver.

I made William's first week back in Preschool a bit sweeter with a ball game.  St. Paul Saints.

Back to the lake cabin first week of August.

We celebrated birthdays again--Cookie Monster Cupcakes this time!

 This series of pictures captures a few moments of an hour-long (exhausting) game of football between my mom and William.  There were many touchdowns and tackles and several emergency football rescues from Big Lake Cormorant.

Headed back home.  Our little Corolla fits a pack-n-play, stroller, booster seat, two suitcases, two grocery bags of food, a small cooler, towels, bedding and books.

Rest stops are the best.

I cleaned our house after being away for most of three weeks. Here's proof.

William helps me make eggplant parmesan.  He dipped the slices in all three bowls in varying order. 

I had my first grandma/granddaughter students.  It was great fun!

We decided to celebrate National Night Out with our own yard party.  We gave away homemade zucchini chocolate chip cookies.  We only had a few takers.  The drug dealers just scowled at us.  Oh well.

Wesley gets a big catch at the Children's Museum.

The Children's Museum was full of fun.  The outdoor patio is really fun in the summer.

Aunt Ruth came and spent a day at the Como Zoo with us.

June Prange from the Community of St. Martin enjoys a Wesley moment.

Carolyn Schurr enjoys him, too!

I couldn't pick the cutest photo of Carolyn and Wesley.  Here are three.

William and Wesley share my deep love of fresh sweet corn.  They can each finish their own cob.  I've changed a lot of yellow chunky diapers recently (TMI?)  William helps me shuck and plays with all the little hairs.

Trying to use up all the fresh produce is getting to be a problem!

I started drying all the herbs in our window box.

I put them in babyfood jars.

We live close to an awesome pool with a big toddler splash pool.  We spent a long time on the lazy river and going up and down the little water-slides.

Wesley makes sure I never practice guitar alone.

At a pig roast in Afton, MN.  Aug. 17

The farm in Afton is a perfect place to be.

 The series of pictures below is William's first attempt to win the heart of a beautiful girl.  He had a red flower to give her.  

She'll like it, right?

That's her...

Approaching...

The first attempt is ignored.

But he plays it cool and climbs up to her level.

Nice chickens.

Here.

Okay.

Show off.

Still, nice flower.

Nailed it.

On a walk on the Mississippi before meeting up with family.

Zac's step-sister, Erin, and her boyfriend, Dale, are holding Everett and Wesley at Hautedish.

This is the "tator-tot hautedish."  

We found black mold in the basement, so I ripped up the floor and found this "river" from the toilet.  I had to clean it up and bleach.

I had to take out the vanity and cut away some wall, too.

We used more bleach than I had ever used before ever.

But we got it all cleaned up.  Zac's friend, Matt, patched up the wall and re-tiled the floor for us.

William and Wesley enjoy their rocking chair from Grandpa Sorum (his as a boy).

Eric and I primed and painted the "new" bathroom before he moved back in at the end of the month.

Aug. 24th--We celebrated the life and mourned the death of Leah Amiliani, Sasha's beloved mother.

The memorial service reception.

Our neighborhood was getting a bit tense.  I decided to take the boys to the lake cabin again.  This time for a week.

It was hot.  We cooled off while cleaning the porch furniture.

Friday, August 30th, we celebrated Great-Grandma and Great-Grandma Sorum's 60th wedding anniversary at their church in Moorhead, MN.

My aunt Karen is in the background of this picture.  He is getting so close to walking!

Kari Bies' daughter Morgan gets a hairdo from Jeannie Mathison. (All cousins) 

More lake cabin pics

The entire Sorum clan came out to the lake cabin on Saturday.  I had spent the week getting the beach ready.  It was a hot, beautiful day!  Perfect!

Kari's youngest daughter, Jocelyn, who is William's age.

This is the beauty of lake living.  If you don't know about floating on lakes I will highly recommend you come visit us  next summer!

More of my cousins!

This is the cabin my grandparents and family built over 40 years ago.  It is the closest thing to home I have ever had these many years.  Maya the dog loves it, too!

Great-Grandpa Sorum holds Wesley.

Great-Grandma Carol holds Lucas, the newest baby.

60 Years and one day!  Going strong! :)

Grandma's siblings and nieces were able to come from Nevada!

Yard games are a must.

Big smiles from Joci.

A competitive game of bean-bag toss in the works.

Joci feeds William cereal for bedtime snack.

William begged me to take a picture of him.

September 1st turned suddenly cold.  We headed to Alexandria--Bug-a-Boo Bay, to be exact. Zac and I enjoyed a date at the tiki hut on Lake Carlos while my parents babysat.  Have I mentioned I love lakes?

Our long weekend afforded us time to see even more Great-Grandparents!  We stopped to see Zac's grandma Stella in her new nursing home.  She was pretty thrilled.

Hierloom tomato sauce before it cooked down.

Getting into fall routine--back in E.C.F.E. and ready to rule the school!

We went to Chipotle; it was sort of a big deal.

I'm not done with lakes yet.  Lake Johanna in Arden Hills, a short drive from our house.

"Throw me in the water, Mama!" William asks.  I love it.

Still crawling.  Tomorrow, who knows?  Things can change fast.

 We are staying in our house for the time being.  We are open to directions and definitely want to keep our family safe from the drugs, violence and verbal abuse happening outside our house.  Since we got home from our Labor Day weekend trip the neighborhood has been absolutely still.  Hope it keeps up.  I had terrible news yesterday that my friend, Persida, lost her 12-year-old son in a four-wheeler accident.  She is a "Mom buddy" to me and living out my worst nightmare.  In Syria the nightmare plays out every day.  Persida, Sasha, and so many others are living with horrible grief I cannot imagine.  Zac recommends I focus on the things I can control, which are few, so that leaves me a lot of time just to snuggle with Wesley and blow strawberries onto his chubby belly.   He has the most amazing squeal of any baby I've ever heard.  If I could can that laughter I would market it as instant happy gas.  I am very lucky to have instant happy gas available to me anytime I wish to tickle a certain tummy.  On that note, I will call it a night.